An Iraq Tale Vol 6: ( The Hardest Part)

A picture I took on a mission. Our convoys roll at night so we get very few photo ops. I liked this one though.

What is the hardest part of my time spent here in Iraq? Is it the uncertainty of not knowing what goes on a daily basis and how so much can change here in one day? Is it the uncomfortable bed, cold shower, or public restroom you must use daily? Is it the fact that I have 10 people telling you 11 different ways to do a job you have done longer than them? Is it the chain of command who is always finding new and more creative ways of making a bad situation worse? Is it the sometimes 16 hour work days or the time in between where boredom overtakes you so bad you look forward to work? Is it waking up to an explosion or helicopter rattling the wall of your trailer? In truth it is none of those.

For me the hardest part is the loneliness that comes when you realize life is passing you by. The loneliness you feel when you realize a day spent here is a day spent away from those you love, a day you can never get back. The loneliness you feel when you here the kids laugh and play on the other end of a 6000 mile phone call. You know they are at home waiting for dad to come home. Asking every day when you are going to be home. All the while your only desire is for the time to go faster,and for that "freedom bird' to take you back to the life you left. A life you took for granted in the past. A life you promise to never take for granted again, but inside you know this is going to be a very hard promise to keep.

Our time here is winding down. Eventually we will be making our way back home. To our families, homes, and jobs. We will get caught up in our world. Life happens, bills happen and sadly most of us will forget the feeling of loneliness we had while we where here. My last tour I promised myself to never forget this lesson, and the honest truth is I did. I forgot the loneliness and what the hardest part is.

The hardest part is knowing life goes on without you.

I hope I don't forget this time.

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