An Iraq Tale Vol 15: (Thinking Back)

Sun going down outside my CHU (trailer)

Recently a lot of my thoughts have been going back to the first days of on ground here in Iraq. The days we spent getting trained on where all the various "yards", fuel points, and other points of interest on the FOB. Not to mention learning the ins and outs of s new and very impressive vehicle. From our days riding along with our predecessors learning the ropes, and listening to the stories and cautionary tales about close calls. The feelings of being overwhelmed at learning a new vehicle, and systems on the vehicle that a National Guardsman has little chance of seeing stateside. The long nights worrying whether or not I am fit to be the leader that I was and others expected me to be. There was so much uncertainty and a bit of wonder at the position I was in. But more than that there was a feeling of pride, knowing I was carrying on a proud tradition that so many brave men and women had done in the past and will do in the future.

Fast forward a few months and the feelings where different,. The feeling of being overwhelmed was replaced with a feeling of familiarity. The nights although often long where easier and even fun at times. The routes, vehicle, systems, and routines of being a TC (truck commander) where becoming less daunting and almost second nature. The fear of messing up was still there but as time went on I felt more confident in my role. And as time went on I saw myself grow into something I never wanted or thought I would ever be, a leader.

Thinking back, I wonder how many of my counterparts have had the same feelings. Did they wonder at night if they were the right person for the job? Did they wonder if they would make the right decisions, or know what to do if things went wrong? Do they have the feeling of uncertainty that I felt? The doubt I felt? Its funny the roads life takes you on. A little over a year ago had you told me I would be in the position I am in today I would have laughed. I spent my life as a follower, a person who was better as part of the team not in charge of a team. I find myself now in charge of a team, and am proud of the fact I can do it. And more than anything I am thankful to have had the opportunity to prove to myself I could do it and especially thankful and proud to have had a great team to work with and to learn with, they made it easy.

Back To Top